In the same way that it is not
always possible for someone to eat when they are hungry, it is also not always
possible for them to embrace how they feel after a loved one passes on. But,
while they will most likely be able to ignore their hunger from time to time without
it having much of an impact on their life, the same can't be said for ignoring
how they feel after a loss.
If someone ignores their hunger
pangs, it will probably only be a matter of time before they reappear and are
fulfilled. One will then have ignored them at one point in time, but they won't
ignore them at another.
A Different Experience
If someone ends up ignoring how they
feel after a loved one has passed on, they might end up embracing how they feel
a little while later. Then again, they might continue to ignore how they feel
as time goes by.
Embracing how they feel, on the
other hand, will allow them grieve the loss, with this being a process that may
last for a number of years, not months. Naturally, this is going to be the best
approach for them to take.
Out of the Way
However, even if one doesn't take
this approach and they ignore how they feel, it doesn't mean that their
feelings will continue to appear. As time goes by, they could end up losing
touch with how they feel.
Not only can this happen, but one
can forget about what was taking place for them when they lost a loved one. One
will then have lost a loved one, yet it can be as though this moment has been
wiped from their life.
Another Form of Communication
Still, just because one can lose
touch with how they feel, it doesn't mean that their body will no longer try to
get their attention. Their body will no longer be able to do this via feelings,
but it can do this via physical pain.
For example, one may find that they
start to get headaches, have stomach aches and/or that they have breathing
problems. They may also find that they have the tendency to feel flat and as
though they have no energy.
Confusion
If they are unable to link what
happened with what is now taking place for them, they may end up going on
tablets. This won't resolve what is taking place in their body, but it might
take some of their pain away.
As pain is typically seen as
something that needs to be removed as opposed to explored, it could be said
that it is not a surprise that something like this would take place. One may
then be able to carry on as normal.
Out of Nowhere
Even if this sorts them out for a
few months or even a few years, it doesn't mean that they won't be reintroduced
to the grief that is within them at one point in time. Something small might
trigger it or it could be something that is fairly significant.
If something small triggers it, one
might wonder why they are reacting so strongly to something that shouldn't have
had such a big impact on them. No matter what has happened, it will have
brought up how they felt when they lost a loved one.
Overwhelmed
Irrespective of how much time has
passed, the emotional experience will be as raw as it was all that time ago.
What plays a part here is that even though their mind has a sense of time,
their emotional body doesn't.
They could end up crying a lot, lose
motivation and the will to live, and they might feel the need to withdraw. It
will be as if their whole personality has completely changed, so much so that
some of the people in their life might find it hard to comprehend how different
they are.
Down but Not Out
The time will now have come for them
to face how they feel and to work through their grief. Holding all this pain in
will have taken a fair amount of energy, and now they will need a lot of energy
to undertake this journey.
If they try to avoid what they are
going through and to push it out of their awareness again, they might not get
very far. Even if this approach does work, it won't be long until this pain
comes up again with even more ferocity.
Delayed Grief
If one was to look into why they
didn't face this grief when they lost a loved one, they may find that the pain
was simply too much for them to handle. Alternatively, they may have had to
take care of other family members at the time.
Due to this, there would have been
people around them who needed a lot of support, preventing them from being able
to be there for themselves. It is unlikely that this was something they thought
about; it would have most likely just happened.
Awareness
If someone has realised that they
are experiencing delayed grief, and they want to work through it, they may need
to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by
the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Teacher, prolific writer, author,
and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary
and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love,
partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand in-depth
articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with
his sound advice.
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